How do you dissipate anger quickly? Especially when the anger you feel is against something as intangible and relentless as dementia and being angry is not going to accomplish anything.
It wasn’t a big deal that started my spate of anger. He simply forgot something we had intended to do and then disagreed with my plan to do it after he had agreed originally. It’s not that he disagreed that made me angry. He is still entitled to his opinions. My sudden burst of anger was due to him flat out denying knowledge of everything we had planned. He said I didn’t tell him about it. He said I never tell him anything. He said I think he is stupid. I walked away with tears in my eyes trying not to say anything.
I don’t recall now if we went through with our plans or not. I know he didn’t intend to make me angry. I know the issue resulted because of the way his brain works now or rather doesn’t work now. I know, but the consistency with which it happens drives me to rage. I know all this, but…
He tries to get over my outburst and his own anger, but it has to be even more difficult for him than it does for me. He is not yet at the point of not knowing what is going on. He knows, but he doesn’t fully understand. Of course, neither do I. Working through the daily dilemmas of dementia is difficult for both of us. Next time I will try to laugh rather than shout. Wish me luck.
Photo credit: Tyler Lastovich – Unsplash
I hate this for you, for both of you. I realize that being reasonable doesn’t work in these situations, and neither does losing your temper, but I can see how that could happen. I have no advice. That would require someone with more knowledge and patience than I have. All I can do is listen and sympathize.
I wish you luck and much much more. I hope that acceptance of the inevitable – albeit reluctant, difficult and profoundly unfair – helps to diffuse your anger and brings a small measure of peace with it. Good night, Madison. Reach out day or night if need be. You are not alone.