No Time

It has been forty-seven hours and thirty-two minutes since my husband died.  I wonder when I will stop counting.  Probably never.  There is no training for widowhood.  It just happens.  I have little idea of what to do next.  Of course, I know what practical activities I must undertake… making funeral plans cancelling insurance, etc.  Also, I know what social customs I should follow these days, which fortunately do not involve tearing my hair out or wearing all black (not my color). 

Nevertheless, I don’t know what to do when I am home alone with no one to care for any longer.  I don’t know what to think about when I cannot think about him – his needs, his wishes, his comfort.  I don’t know what is next.

Image credit: Ahmad Ossayli on Unsplash

7 comments

  1. Obviously, I’m in no position to offer behavioral advice, but I think you are in a transitional stage, and you will find your way. I have known a few other women in this situation, and the good thing is that they have all come through successfully, and surprisingly stronger. Once your entire life and constant thoughts are no longer revolving around someone else, those thoughts can focus on yourself. It might sound selfish right now, but it is actually necessary and correct. I think you know that you’re much stronger than you are admitting right now. Do what you feel natural doing, not what you somehow think society expects of you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dear Madison,
    My condolences.

    Have the courage to continue your life, starting a new period or stage, with good memories of your husband, carrying him in your heart.

    Having him in your thoughts dare to share your new life with others around you, and when you are young (or not so old) dare to leave all doors open to come to know other men and people to become befriended. A person is not made to stay on his own, so you never know what comes into your life in a later stage.

    All the strength I wish you for continuing your life without your beloved.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. My former comment didn’t seem as if it had all the message I wanted to relay.I seemed to be an innocuous platitude.
    In an odd way, I have related to your situation, but to me, mine was worse because I live with a functioning human being who CHOOSES to be angry at life in general and me in particular.
    Why, you ask, do I stay? Because at 71 years old, I don’t have the financial resources to leave.
    But I have learned Coping mechanisms.
    Here is a message that I received in my email today that I thought might benefit us both…the value of tears.
    https://themarginalian.us2.list-manage.com/track/click?u=13eb080d8a315477042e0d5b1&id=8fc3a02809&e=e89f372fd0

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.