Time flies…whether you are having fun or not. That is a quote from a greeting card by Mary Englebreit that I have had stuck to my refrigerator for over 30 years. When she asked me what was going to be my epitaph, that quote is what I told my therapist. She said I was cynical. After that, she was no longer my therapist since apparently she couldn’t recognize truth.
Anyway, that saying is just as true now as it was then. And right now, I am not having fun. I actually can’t tell you how I feel as my emotions tumble over each other minute by minute, but I know I am not having fun. I rock violently between anger and tears, sometimes both at the same time. I laugh a bit out of proportion to things I find funny…they are funny, but my laughter is tinged with madness. I slog through my day, unfocused and unreliable. Thank god for sticky notes. My refrigerator now looks as if it were decorated by first graders with only the ugly-colored markers left.
We shall see what tomorrow brings. Perhaps more of the same, perhaps not. Regardless, I will make him proud of me.