Given the developments over the past few weeks, I again find myself evading life in general. I don’t want to see anyone. I don’t want to talk with anyone. I don’t want to do much of anything – eat, sleep, walk, talk, play with the dog. That is not to say there are not people who support me with love and kindness. There are. Thank goodness. It is just that I can hardly cope with the chaos of my own mind and the spiraling of my relationship with my husband, so the added (though quite normal) pressure of being a coherent, cooperative, communicative member of society is simply too much.
For those of you who don’t know, my husband of forty years has been bedeviled by dementia for several years. Those of you who are aware of the vagaries of dementia know that this is not a good thing. The frustration, anger, sorrow, anxiety, and despair caused by dementia affects the person who has it and all those around – family, friends, and even casual acquaintances who wonder ‘what the heck?’.
Dealing with dementia in a loved one is truly one of those things you have to experience to understand fully. (I hope you, dear reader, never have to experience it.) The relentless downward spiral of mental and physical abilities in one who has dementia offers onlookers a heartbreak a day which explains my evasion and aversion to the ups and downs of normal life. There is nothing normal about dealing with dementia.
Image credit: Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
I am so glad you can share your thoughts. You do know we are here fir you. ❤️❤️
It is heartbreaking to remember how the two of you were over twenty years ago. If I had advice, I would share it immediately, but anything I would suggest would show a lack of real awareness of what you are experiencing. All I can say is that I hate that you are having to deal with this and that it doesn’t have a positive end. You are a very strong person, and you have a great brain, so I know you’ll continue to persevere, but I also know that there are times when you simply want to give up. Please don’t. You are needed, even though I’m sure it doesn’t feel like it. Anytime it could help, even a little, feel free to vent or curse or scream.