Given the developments over the past few weeks, I again find myself evading life in general. I don’t want to see anyone. I don’t want to talk with anyone. I don’t want to do much of anything – eat, sleep, walk, talk, play with the dog. That is not to say there are not people who support me with love and kindness. There are. Thank goodness. It is just that I can hardly cope with the chaos of my own mind and the spiraling of my relationship with my husband, so the added (though quite normal) pressure of being a coherent, cooperative, communicative member of society is simply too much.
For those of you who don’t know, my husband of forty years has been bedeviled by dementia for several years. Those of you who are aware of the vagaries of dementia know that this is not a good thing. The frustration, anger, sorrow, anxiety, and despair caused by dementia affects the person who has it and all those around – family, friends, and even casual acquaintances who wonder ‘what the heck?’.
Dealing with dementia in a loved one is truly one of those things you have to experience to understand fully. (I hope you, dear reader, never have to experience it.) The relentless downward spiral of mental and physical abilities in one who has dementia offers onlookers a heartbreak a day which explains my evasion and aversion to the ups and downs of normal life. There is nothing normal about dealing with dementia.
Image credit: Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash